d) The bouncer: like night clubs bouncers, he takes his task very seriously. He will, quite inconveniently, stand in front of the door conditioning entrances and exits. It doesn’t matter how packed the train/tube is he won’t leave his spot, until he arrives at his stop.
e) The media manager: this commuter will bring his/own newspaper and leave it on the seat before alighting, for the next passenger. The experienced media manager will swap his/her newspaper with the one left behind by the former passenger. Unfortunately for fellow commuters, the media manager is too engrossed in the reading to realize that he/she is flipping the pages like a fan and stroking the other passengers with it. He/she will not acknowledge as well that his elbows are pushing the passenger next to him/her away from the seat.
f) The DJ: forget about readable information, it’s all about your mp3 player and your earphones. To do it correctly, the music must be loud enough for the other passengers to listen to it, or just be upset by the constant bzzt bzzt bzzzt. The DJ will make you wonder what are the earphones really for. Of course, this commuter will be in another dimension and most likely will miss his/her exit. Don’t sit near them, you’ll be pushed.
The teenager DJ will be accompanied by a huge backpack. Unaware how big the bag is it will knock fellow passengers over, like a bowling ball.
g) The kidney puncher bag: only females. They will have trendy, huge bags, usually rectangular shaped. These bags will be hanging from one of the shoulders, and punch mercilessly right on your kidneys. The bag puncher will be completely oblivious of this, as well as that her bag is opened.
h) The grocery shopper: usually over 50, these commuters will carry with them, preferably at rush hour, huge bags filled with groceries. Fellow commuters will be sympathetic and give groceries shoppers’ their seat. If you are seating next to them, you have to smile and nod politely while your knees are being savagely kicked by the bags. If by any chance you alight before grocery shopper, most likely you’ll trip on the bags, lose your balance, and find yourself grabbing some stranger’s arm, before seeing the floor up and close. The expert grocery shopper will have wonderful pole dancer skills. Seating or standing, either way, he/she will be a nuisance.
The trick to survive commuting and win at this x-game is to recognize what type of fellow commuters you are facing and dodge them elegantly.